Rachel Gardner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweartoyou) wrote2018-04-06 10:45 am
sweartoyou) wrote2018-04-06 10:45 am
Ryslig | IC Inbox.
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, RACHEL GARDNER. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 000.00.000.00 | ||||
With Reira.
[Obviously.]
...I don't remember because it didn't matter before. The Cube's new rooms are even safer than they were before, aren't they?
[Obviously.]
...I don't remember because it didn't matter before. The Cube's new rooms are even safer than they were before, aren't they?
...Yeah. See you there.
[There's a human girl waiting inside the Cube, plain white dress settling around her knees. The change from the last time she wore this outfit -- the last time she was inside the room that's waiting for them beyond the door she leans against -- is that she still has her black choker on. Rachel's hands are shaking, even as she digs her nails into her palms to try and jolt herself out of her nervousness. He would come and he'd see her, and then...?
She doesn't know. The part that's almost too scared to find out is being lulled by the knowledge of what she made her room look like. No matter what happens, she'll have that room. What...would he think of it? She doesn't know that, either. But she's tired of hiding vital pieces of herself.]
[There's a human girl waiting inside the Cube, plain white dress settling around her knees. The change from the last time she wore this outfit -- the last time she was inside the room that's waiting for them beyond the door she leans against -- is that she still has her black choker on. Rachel's hands are shaking, even as she digs her nails into her palms to try and jolt herself out of her nervousness. He would come and he'd see her, and then...?
She doesn't know. The part that's almost too scared to find out is being lulled by the knowledge of what she made her room look like. No matter what happens, she'll have that room. What...would he think of it? She doesn't know that, either. But she's tired of hiding vital pieces of herself.]
[He's brought everyone in the house together for a conversation and made a firm request: no one from the broadcast on Hill House property, for safety. He is not exactly surprised by the disagreement, but he is surprised by who it comes from.]
[It doesn't show. He's calmly impassive when he turns to Ray, nodding in invitation for her to speak.]
What are your objections, then?
[It doesn't show. He's calmly impassive when he turns to Ray, nodding in invitation for her to speak.]
What are your objections, then?
[She hasn't said much of anything to most members of the Hill House -- maybe passing greetings in the kitchen -- but since coming back to live here instead of her Dyster home, Ray had mostly stayed in her room. January and February were a blur of depression and dying, except for the times she went off to work in the morgue. Most of her presence would have come from Reira gently requesting the animals stay away from the lower part of the main hill, Sonic loudly saying something about a "Gigasnail", and a creature that seems to be a quadrupedal snail that acts an awful lot like a puppy sometimes being cared for by her friends because of that whole work and being dead thing.
Her voice, now that she's really speaking to him, is soft but firm.]
Neither Atem nor Mukuro are a danger to anyone here. Besides, you're not the boss or my parent. I can have friends over if I want.
Her voice, now that she's really speaking to him, is soft but firm.]
Neither Atem nor Mukuro are a danger to anyone here. Besides, you're not the boss or my parent. I can have friends over if I want.
[He watches her carefully. She's hard to read. Ultimately, though, it's her words that matter right now. There's no point looking for artifice, and frankly he's tired of doing so anyway. So instead he's quiet for a moment before responding, his expression pensive.]
We're sharing a space, and I'm expressing a strong preference based on evidence, but no, I'm not in charge of you and I can't make you do anything. However, I think all of us would respect a similar request that came from you.
I'm willing to compromise when it comes to Mukuro, although other people may feel differently. She is less dangerous if only because she's never been dishonest about herself or her intentions. But Atem has misrepresented himself, hiding this level of cruelty. That, to me, is dangerous.
We're sharing a space, and I'm expressing a strong preference based on evidence, but no, I'm not in charge of you and I can't make you do anything. However, I think all of us would respect a similar request that came from you.
I'm willing to compromise when it comes to Mukuro, although other people may feel differently. She is less dangerous if only because she's never been dishonest about herself or her intentions. But Atem has misrepresented himself, hiding this level of cruelty. That, to me, is dangerous.
[His first point gets her eyes, still flat, to drift up in thought before she nods. It isn't a matter of removing the choice from her, so she can drop that part of the argument. It was probably a part that didn't matter much, to anyone else. She's back to having her eyes on him soon enough.]
That's too bad. I'm willing to compromise on Mukuro, too. [Especially since, uh. She knows Sonic is real upset, somehow blindsided by this. Giorno's right -- Mukuro's only ever been honest about the kind of person she's capable of being. More, though, she's grateful to and likes Mukuro...but she isn't someone that Rachel's promised to take care of.] What someone is capable of doesn't change what they'll do. Reira starved a man to death. Is she a danger to anyone here?
...Besides. Showing you what he's capable of was the whole point.
That's too bad. I'm willing to compromise on Mukuro, too. [Especially since, uh. She knows Sonic is real upset, somehow blindsided by this. Giorno's right -- Mukuro's only ever been honest about the kind of person she's capable of being. More, though, she's grateful to and likes Mukuro...but she isn't someone that Rachel's promised to take care of.] What someone is capable of doesn't change what they'll do. Reira starved a man to death. Is she a danger to anyone here?
...Besides. Showing you what he's capable of was the whole point.
[Immediately,]
You wouldn't want people to be afraid of what you're capable of?
[No further comment on the Reira thing, though, so feel free to take that as a win. Babygirl is dangerous as hell, but not a danger. Which is her point.]
Can you say honestly that you know his motivation?
You wouldn't want people to be afraid of what you're capable of?
[No further comment on the Reira thing, though, so feel free to take that as a win. Babygirl is dangerous as hell, but not a danger. Which is her point.]
Can you say honestly that you know his motivation?
A specific enemy? Yes. The entire population that we're forced to victimize, who already live every day in gut-wrenching fear? No.
[He shrugs one shoulder, cool and unperturbed.]
I can say I know that what he told me of it in the past and what he's shown me now are diametrically opposed and have eroded my trust. I might be wrong about details, but I don't think I am about the broad strokes. If I'd done what he and the rest of them had done, regardless of motivation, I would expect some people to be uncomfortable with me in their homes and personal spaces, in any case. That's the consequence. But if you feel that I'm wrong, I'm listening.
[He shrugs one shoulder, cool and unperturbed.]
I can say I know that what he told me of it in the past and what he's shown me now are diametrically opposed and have eroded my trust. I might be wrong about details, but I don't think I am about the broad strokes. If I'd done what he and the rest of them had done, regardless of motivation, I would expect some people to be uncomfortable with me in their homes and personal spaces, in any case. That's the consequence. But if you feel that I'm wrong, I'm listening.
[Rachel hums, which doesn't exactly illuminate her thoughts. That's why she phrased it her way, instead. Making the humans afraid... That's the Fog's goal, and he needed the Fog on his side. Because Atem doesn't want people to think of him as weak, or that they can get away with doing terrible things to him or those he cares about. Atem's motive was only fear so that he could be capable of even more than what it was he'd shown.
...Not that she's going to delve into it. That sort of ruins the point a little, and as much as she wants to protect him, she isn't going to stop what he does to protect himself.]
You aren't wrong. He probably expects that, too. That doesn't change that I want him to know he can come to me if he needs to. I don't know what your relationship is, but I know mine.
[He died in her arms. She died in his.]
Atem is someone very dear to me. I swear to you he won't do anything to harm anyone in this place, as long as they don't harm him or... [fuck, what's his name again -- oh well.] ...his partner first. If I didn't feel I could trust that, I wouldn't say anything against your decision. I wouldn't allow something that puts him in even more danger.
...Not that she's going to delve into it. That sort of ruins the point a little, and as much as she wants to protect him, she isn't going to stop what he does to protect himself.]
You aren't wrong. He probably expects that, too. That doesn't change that I want him to know he can come to me if he needs to. I don't know what your relationship is, but I know mine.
[He died in her arms. She died in his.]
Atem is someone very dear to me. I swear to you he won't do anything to harm anyone in this place, as long as they don't harm him or... [fuck, what's his name again -- oh well.] ...his partner first. If I didn't feel I could trust that, I wouldn't say anything against your decision. I wouldn't allow something that puts him in even more danger.
[Passivity is all Giorno offers during this exchange, although he's faintly irritated. He considers pointing out that he's not trying to change anyone's ability to rely on her, only to set boundaries around the space in which they all live; but ultimately, it doesn't seem worth it.]
[Her argument doesn't move him. But his immediate response won't be helpful, either — that he doesn't know her well enough for her oath to be worth risking his family's safety for, that she cannot possibly be responsible for another person's actions that extensively, that no matter what she claims of Atem if he enters this space and causes harm to one of the people in it, Giorno will have grounds to retaliate. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to retaliate. He wants them to just not step into each others' spaces.]
[He holds it back. Instead, he leans forward slightly, clasping his hands between his knees.]
Why do you believe that he won't cause any physical, emotional, or psychological harm in this space? Bearing in mind that what he has done today, the rhetoric surrounding it, and the traumatic ripple effects fall under the category of harm. How do you feel you can guarantee that?
[Her argument doesn't move him. But his immediate response won't be helpful, either — that he doesn't know her well enough for her oath to be worth risking his family's safety for, that she cannot possibly be responsible for another person's actions that extensively, that no matter what she claims of Atem if he enters this space and causes harm to one of the people in it, Giorno will have grounds to retaliate. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to retaliate. He wants them to just not step into each others' spaces.]
[He holds it back. Instead, he leans forward slightly, clasping his hands between his knees.]
Why do you believe that he won't cause any physical, emotional, or psychological harm in this space? Bearing in mind that what he has done today, the rhetoric surrounding it, and the traumatic ripple effects fall under the category of harm. How do you feel you can guarantee that?
Edited 2022-03-24 22:13 (UTC)
[To her, it's about making a safe space. To him, it's about making a safe space. She wouldn't argue about his right to retaliate if he needed to. She'd retaliate in kind, sure, but it's a moot point, as far as she's concerned. Atem wouldn't do anything that requires retaliation.
The idea of emotional and psychological harm seems to surprise her out of her determination, at least. People...taking care of their mental health???]
...I can't. How someone feels is their choice alone.
[Hm. Rachel frowns to herself, bringing a hand up thoughtfully around her mouth. What's the way to complete this puzzle...without giving too much away, even.]
I'm confident he doesn't desire fighting. He isn't a safety risk for the house. He's not like D -- Aunamee.
[Even if he tries to be, in order to protect himself. Aunamee is different on a level that Atem can't achieve, not really. They are who they are. Still, his intentions weren't selfless, and even if they were, that doesn't change the outcome for most people.
Hmmmmmmm.]
My room isn't around anyone else's...except Dib's, I guess. [He was in the same hallway. But also she doesn't care about Dib. He's annoying.] With warning, it isn't hard to make sure no one would be around when he visited me. Then it isn't a problem.
The idea of emotional and psychological harm seems to surprise her out of her determination, at least. People...taking care of their mental health???]
...I can't. How someone feels is their choice alone.
[Hm. Rachel frowns to herself, bringing a hand up thoughtfully around her mouth. What's the way to complete this puzzle...without giving too much away, even.]
I'm confident he doesn't desire fighting. He isn't a safety risk for the house. He's not like D -- Aunamee.
[Even if he tries to be, in order to protect himself. Aunamee is different on a level that Atem can't achieve, not really. They are who they are. Still, his intentions weren't selfless, and even if they were, that doesn't change the outcome for most people.
Hmmmmmmm.]
My room isn't around anyone else's...except Dib's, I guess. [He was in the same hallway. But also she doesn't care about Dib. He's annoying.] With warning, it isn't hard to make sure no one would be around when he visited me. Then it isn't a problem.
Edited 2022-03-24 23:00 (UTC)
[On the day of the broadcast, a small group of humans plus a robot sat around a worn out television set in the apartment belonging to one of the humans. Saint Flora was supposed to be a safe space so Niina's little group decided to watch it elsewhere. The results had been... mixed? They only had watched so far before Niina pulled the cord on the television. It had taken hours to calm them enough to come back with her to the academy.
She wasn't going to eat them or their loved ones, she promised. She wasn't going to break that promise.
But that left Niina... feeling off. She needed to talk to someone. Wakaba would have been the closest person but her fellow Saint Flora resident made it very clear that she hated the Fog. Mukuro... was strong but it's clear that Niina wasn't half as strong in that regard. She trusted Mukuro but this wasn't a worry she could admit to someone who's resolve was steel.
There's only one other Fog follower that she feels that she can turn to.]
hey rachel, this is niina. it's been a while. i'm not going to say shit about the broadcast--they're adults. they can make their decisions and it's their choice.
[That was the tenets of the Fog, after all... but it reminded her of her behavior during the last arrivals. How she lost control. She didn't like it.]
but it got me thinking. there's got to be different ways to serve the fog, right? i had an idea to keep us followers safe but shit i dunno. maybe it's too naive.
She wasn't going to eat them or their loved ones, she promised. She wasn't going to break that promise.
But that left Niina... feeling off. She needed to talk to someone. Wakaba would have been the closest person but her fellow Saint Flora resident made it very clear that she hated the Fog. Mukuro... was strong but it's clear that Niina wasn't half as strong in that regard. She trusted Mukuro but this wasn't a worry she could admit to someone who's resolve was steel.
There's only one other Fog follower that she feels that she can turn to.]
hey rachel, this is niina. it's been a while. i'm not going to say shit about the broadcast--they're adults. they can make their decisions and it's their choice.
[That was the tenets of the Fog, after all... but it reminded her of her behavior during the last arrivals. How she lost control. She didn't like it.]
but it got me thinking. there's got to be different ways to serve the fog, right? i had an idea to keep us followers safe but shit i dunno. maybe it's too naive.
[Some of them kind of try to occasionally?? He's been told he probably should? Look it's weird. Ask Reira.]
[His eyebrow raises. Dib's, I guess. Giorno likes Dib. He's a very strange child, but he made friends with the tarantula. What this is about, he couldn't possible imagine. Irrelevant to the question at hand in that Dib's security is also relevant to the question at hand.]
Do you think asking everyone else to leave the place they live so you can see Atem in that particular place is more fair than you choosing to meet him anywhere else in the city?
[His eyebrow raises. Dib's, I guess. Giorno likes Dib. He's a very strange child, but he made friends with the tarantula. What this is about, he couldn't possible imagine. Irrelevant to the question at hand in that Dib's security is also relevant to the question at hand.]
Do you think asking everyone else to leave the place they live so you can see Atem in that particular place is more fair than you choosing to meet him anywhere else in the city?
[Ray's brow creases after she blinks out of her thoughts again and lets the question -- something she finds confusing -- sink in.]
I'm not asking anyone to leave.
[She tried to get Sonic to stay. Even if he never fully understood, it would be okay, he just...needed to not be an obstacle. Not --
No. She closes her eyes and shakes her head at herself. Don't -- go there. Having his own feelings and making decisions for himself didn't mean he was opposing her, necessarily. He wasn't -- in her way. There was no need to --
Wait. She was talking to someone. Ray looks back up to Giorno, her head tipping slightly as she drags herself out of her foggy mind and into a light daze. What was she saying?]
...If no one knows, no one gets hurt. I just have to make sure.
I'm not asking anyone to leave.
[She tried to get Sonic to stay. Even if he never fully understood, it would be okay, he just...needed to not be an obstacle. Not --
No. She closes her eyes and shakes her head at herself. Don't -- go there. Having his own feelings and making decisions for himself didn't mean he was opposing her, necessarily. He wasn't -- in her way. There was no need to --
Wait. She was talking to someone. Ray looks back up to Giorno, her head tipping slightly as she drags herself out of her foggy mind and into a light daze. What was she saying?]
...If no one knows, no one gets hurt. I just have to make sure.
Edited (you ever mean to do something and immediately forget) 2022-03-25 12:56 (UTC)
[It has been a while, but Rachel is pleased with herself when she finds that she remembers the username and the person attached. Everything has been so much that she allows herself the little pat on the back before moving on to read what the other girl has to say.
...It takes herself another while to sort her thoughts out. Away from the laptop. Away from the yelling and the crying and the confident façades. Just a paper, a pencil, and the mess of a person she was.]
It's not impossible.
Atem wasn't wrong about what he said. Miss Fog stands for those things. She wants us to do it. But she won't force anyone. She stands for chaos and being yourself...which means your choices are yours.
What Atem did was easy. It's how priests like Aunamee, AM, and Javert get their place. Amanda, too. She's not here anymore, but she was Aunamee's friend. Killing humans... Putting them "in their place" and affecting the peninsula, the ways to do it are obvious. It's easy, if you're willing.
There are other Fog followers that feel the way you do. Miss Lust, Mr. Laffer, Mr. Fiddleford, [Miss Maya... She didn't think she'd be taking her name off the list, but she confessed to her part of the broadcast. Miss Maya is tired.] and the user goodweather even though he's crude, for example. It's something I wanted to do. It's hard for someone like me to think of how to do it, but I don't think that means someone else couldn't do it, and even rise in her ranks the way more violent followers do. Even if there wasn't, there's options other than terrorizing humans. She wants her power back from Elias. She wants to hold onto what she has.
I can't tell you if your idea will work or not, but it isn't wrong to follow her and follow your heart at the same time. I wouldn't mind knowing more, if you want to talk about it.
[Actually...]
There's a group of Fog followers that want to meet up and talk about things like this. Not everyone there is opposed to violence on that sort of scale...but the idea is to better the community. You'll probably find more support than you'd think. My friends and I...want that, too. They don't follow Miss Fog, but we want to be able to live together peacefully.
Next time these groups meet, would you come with me?
...It takes herself another while to sort her thoughts out. Away from the laptop. Away from the yelling and the crying and the confident façades. Just a paper, a pencil, and the mess of a person she was.]
It's not impossible.
Atem wasn't wrong about what he said. Miss Fog stands for those things. She wants us to do it. But she won't force anyone. She stands for chaos and being yourself...which means your choices are yours.
What Atem did was easy. It's how priests like Aunamee, AM, and Javert get their place. Amanda, too. She's not here anymore, but she was Aunamee's friend. Killing humans... Putting them "in their place" and affecting the peninsula, the ways to do it are obvious. It's easy, if you're willing.
There are other Fog followers that feel the way you do. Miss Lust, Mr. Laffer, Mr. Fiddleford, [Miss Maya... She didn't think she'd be taking her name off the list, but she confessed to her part of the broadcast. Miss Maya is tired.] and the user goodweather even though he's crude, for example. It's something I wanted to do. It's hard for someone like me to think of how to do it, but I don't think that means someone else couldn't do it, and even rise in her ranks the way more violent followers do. Even if there wasn't, there's options other than terrorizing humans. She wants her power back from Elias. She wants to hold onto what she has.
I can't tell you if your idea will work or not, but it isn't wrong to follow her and follow your heart at the same time. I wouldn't mind knowing more, if you want to talk about it.
[Actually...]
There's a group of Fog followers that want to meet up and talk about things like this. Not everyone there is opposed to violence on that sort of scale...but the idea is to better the community. You'll probably find more support than you'd think. My friends and I...want that, too. They don't follow Miss Fog, but we want to be able to live together peacefully.
Next time these groups meet, would you come with me?
Edited 2022-03-25 15:19 (UTC)
[One fo the first things Maya is sure to do the moment she wakes up in a fleshy, mermaidy body again is contact Rachel. She's been waiting to do so, to be herself, so that it comes across right.]
Hey Rachel,
it's Maya. I wanted to give you an apology, but I wasn't sure if you would want to see me in person, so, here's this!
I didn't consider your feelings, or justice, or literally anyone at all when I did what I did to Aunamee. I was a shade and I was *all* anger, all vengeance, no matter what I told myself. I didn't think about you or even myself or the people close to me. I should have kept better control, and you and others got hurt as a result of it.
I wanted to say sorry now that I'm not a shade so you can know that it's honest. And it isn't because I don't want you to be mad at me; I understand if you wouldn't like to talk to me again.
But you deserve the apology. I shouldn't have made your life harder just to appease my own anger. I'm sorry for what I did, and for what I said and how I acted.
I hope things don't get too unsafe for you because of me, and if they do and you want me to, I'll do what I can to fix what I've done.
Take care,
Maya
Hey Rachel,
it's Maya. I wanted to give you an apology, but I wasn't sure if you would want to see me in person, so, here's this!
I didn't consider your feelings, or justice, or literally anyone at all when I did what I did to Aunamee. I was a shade and I was *all* anger, all vengeance, no matter what I told myself. I didn't think about you or even myself or the people close to me. I should have kept better control, and you and others got hurt as a result of it.
I wanted to say sorry now that I'm not a shade so you can know that it's honest. And it isn't because I don't want you to be mad at me; I understand if you wouldn't like to talk to me again.
But you deserve the apology. I shouldn't have made your life harder just to appease my own anger. I'm sorry for what I did, and for what I said and how I acted.
I hope things don't get too unsafe for you because of me, and if they do and you want me to, I'll do what I can to fix what I've done.
Take care,
Maya
[what's this old person email shit -- ah, Miss Maya. That's weird.
It becomes less weird as she reads, but she still thinks it's kind of weird. Well, she's the one that isn't "normal", so maybe this is exactly the sort of thing that's supposed to happen. Anyway. That didn't matter. Rachel wanders off to make sure the snuppy is fed and well-loved, then forgets about it for a while because, hey, there's an awful lot going on right now and her slime brain is really doing it's best. Eventually, though, she comes back to her laptop and wonders again about how weird it is. Nice, though.]
Hello, Miss Maya. I'm alive and in just about the safest place I can be, I think. Even when he does go back to normal, I don't think it's going to be a problem. I intend to keep the promise I made to both of you.
I don't really care about if I see you in person or not, but no one that was helping Atem can come over to the hill house now, anyway. Too many people would get upset.
I don't think it wouldn't have felt honest to hear this from you however you are, but it really is amazing how different your brain gets when you're a different monster, isn't it? No one wants to be a slime, but it isn't bad...mostly. It would help slow your thoughts down, I think. You should probably get used to what's normal again, though.
[...Right, that wasn't the point of this. Okay, reading her message again...]
I don't think a lot of people can really understand what it's like. As much as I know I know him in my heart, I can't say I truly understand, either. How badly it could go... I don't think you should blame yourself because you didn't know all the consequences.
Or even because you might have done it even if you did know.
[That said...]
It was cruel.
...That's what it was supposed to be. Just like the things he does. He's cruel and likes to do cruel things. He's "wrong". So am I, for loving him, even though that isn't something he can feel the way you and I can.
[Except that he could, right now. She doesn't want to think too much about that, and she doesn't think Maya needs to, either. There's probably a lot of emails she's sending out today.]
I hate what you did, and I hate some of the things you say about him, especially when I don't think it's something you'd say if it were anyone else, but I don't hate you. I don't even know you. You seem nice. I'm sorry that people are probably forgetting that, the same way they're forgetting about how Atem treated them, or Mukuro.
Don't feel like you have to be nice or make it up to us. Live your life how you like. And you don't have to write long things like this in the future, either. I forget what I'm writing back too much.
Bye bye, I guess.
It becomes less weird as she reads, but she still thinks it's kind of weird. Well, she's the one that isn't "normal", so maybe this is exactly the sort of thing that's supposed to happen. Anyway. That didn't matter. Rachel wanders off to make sure the snuppy is fed and well-loved, then forgets about it for a while because, hey, there's an awful lot going on right now and her slime brain is really doing it's best. Eventually, though, she comes back to her laptop and wonders again about how weird it is. Nice, though.]
Hello, Miss Maya. I'm alive and in just about the safest place I can be, I think. Even when he does go back to normal, I don't think it's going to be a problem. I intend to keep the promise I made to both of you.
I don't really care about if I see you in person or not, but no one that was helping Atem can come over to the hill house now, anyway. Too many people would get upset.
I don't think it wouldn't have felt honest to hear this from you however you are, but it really is amazing how different your brain gets when you're a different monster, isn't it? No one wants to be a slime, but it isn't bad...mostly. It would help slow your thoughts down, I think. You should probably get used to what's normal again, though.
[...Right, that wasn't the point of this. Okay, reading her message again...]
I don't think a lot of people can really understand what it's like. As much as I know I know him in my heart, I can't say I truly understand, either. How badly it could go... I don't think you should blame yourself because you didn't know all the consequences.
Or even because you might have done it even if you did know.
[That said...]
It was cruel.
...That's what it was supposed to be. Just like the things he does. He's cruel and likes to do cruel things. He's "wrong". So am I, for loving him, even though that isn't something he can feel the way you and I can.
[Except that he could, right now. She doesn't want to think too much about that, and she doesn't think Maya needs to, either. There's probably a lot of emails she's sending out today.]
I hate what you did, and I hate some of the things you say about him, especially when I don't think it's something you'd say if it were anyone else, but I don't hate you. I don't even know you. You seem nice. I'm sorry that people are probably forgetting that, the same way they're forgetting about how Atem treated them, or Mukuro.
Don't feel like you have to be nice or make it up to us. Live your life how you like. And you don't have to write long things like this in the future, either. I forget what I'm writing back too much.
Bye bye, I guess.
[Maya's surprised that Ray responds at all— and she's surprised and relieved by how now that she isn't a shade, it doesn't all hurt the way it did when she was a shade. It's all just truths now, and some truths hurt, but that doesn't mean it has to be world-wrecking.
...Ray has such an interesting view on things, though, and that's what spurs Maya's curiosity on so much as to be unable not to respond in some capacity. She thinks about things from a perspective that is so foreign and alien to Maya and yet one that seems so sensible and sensical. Whether or not Maya agrees with Ray on any particular point isn't really relevant; Ray's points are just... sound. Maybe that's what being a slime and slowing down to think as Ray mentioned does.
So Maya slows down, too, and after a while responds;]
No long messages. got it.
Thanks for replying at all. You're right, it was really cruel of me, but I don't think it'll matter to him if I say sorry or anything like that. But no matter how nice me or atem or mukuro are we're still responsible for the actions we take like i'm responsible for what i did to aunamee. even if that doesn't mean making up for it.
[Aunamee... maybe she needs to reassess. She can't ever be sure what to do about him— and if the right answer were to ignore him, to distance herself from him— well, she's painted a target on her back. She's going to have to live with that now, and the consequences of it.]
...Ray has such an interesting view on things, though, and that's what spurs Maya's curiosity on so much as to be unable not to respond in some capacity. She thinks about things from a perspective that is so foreign and alien to Maya and yet one that seems so sensible and sensical. Whether or not Maya agrees with Ray on any particular point isn't really relevant; Ray's points are just... sound. Maybe that's what being a slime and slowing down to think as Ray mentioned does.
So Maya slows down, too, and after a while responds;]
No long messages. got it.
Thanks for replying at all. You're right, it was really cruel of me, but I don't think it'll matter to him if I say sorry or anything like that. But no matter how nice me or atem or mukuro are we're still responsible for the actions we take like i'm responsible for what i did to aunamee. even if that doesn't mean making up for it.
[Aunamee... maybe she needs to reassess. She can't ever be sure what to do about him— and if the right answer were to ignore him, to distance herself from him— well, she's painted a target on her back. She's going to have to live with that now, and the consequences of it.]
By the way... Why was your name different before?
[This is the more familiar one, now that she thinks about it, and the one she likes more. She thinks it's clever.]
It wouldn't matter, but he'd probably like it. I wouldn't, if I were you.
Actually... There is a chance it could help. It would just be really difficult for you to pull off.
[This is the more familiar one, now that she thinks about it, and the one she likes more. She thinks it's clever.]
It wouldn't matter, but he'd probably like it. I wouldn't, if I were you.
Actually... There is a chance it could help. It would just be really difficult for you to pull off.
[Her username...? Oh! Maya hadn't realized she'd switched back; it's just innate.]
Some people don't like it when I'm not serious, so I use that username sometimes. I like this better though.
[It fits like a well-worn mask.]
I bet. I wonder what it would take
Or if he'd even still believe me? Or... if it's worse if he believes me?
[There's only one way to find out.
And in the end... does it really make being in Ryslig any worse than it's always been, to make mistakes?]
Some people don't like it when I'm not serious, so I use that username sometimes. I like this better though.
[It fits like a well-worn mask.]
I bet. I wonder what it would take
Or if he'd even still believe me? Or... if it's worse if he believes me?
[There's only one way to find out.
And in the end... does it really make being in Ryslig any worse than it's always been, to make mistakes?]
Does it matter what they think? It's just a username.
If you can make him really, truly believe you...
During the time I was gone, Reira starved him to death. He was in a lot of pain. It took longer than she expected it to, so she decided that it would only be fair if he wanted to kill her back. If he decided to come after her, she was going to let him.
He's threatened her, but he hasn't hurt her since. There's no point, if she isn't afraid.
If you can make him really, truly believe you...
During the time I was gone, Reira starved him to death. He was in a lot of pain. It took longer than she expected it to, so she decided that it would only be fair if he wanted to kill her back. If he decided to come after her, she was going to let him.
He's threatened her, but he hasn't hurt her since. There's no point, if she isn't afraid.
[Niina knows the world isn't binary. There's not a 'right' or 'wrong' in the world. Evil and good are ideals but are hard to separate. Becoming a simulacrum minimized a lot of things. Everything should be one thing or another. It has to be a zero or a one. Organic or not. That was easy to get into the groove. The Fog was her side so therefore it was 'good' and anyone who didn't side with her was 'evil'. That was the trap her programming set up.
It was easy to fall into that trap even when she knew it was there. Niina rubbed her facial screen. She didn't want to fight her programming. It was exhausting and often she had to feed later but this was bothering her more than she could admit.]
that's why i joined her. we don't have to all act in the same way to serve her. i'll admit i kill to eat but that doesn't mean i want to make a show of eating. sure by existing we terrify some humans but... we can work with them, too. i dunno.
[Niina pauses, tapping her device.]
i've been talking with some teenagers from bavan. humans. they hear things. see things. i talk to them before picking someone to eat. they usually know more than i could gather by myself. if the person has a family, if they're armed, if they're a monster hunter or whatever. they're willing to help in exchange for protection or shelter--some of them live with me at this school mana gave me. it's not much but i think... we could work with them. more of us.
i know some people that have to kill to eat would feel better knowing things about their targets. not stalking but just... i dunno. rumor gathering that doesn't publicly announce groups. like those men that were killed--i'm sure a lot of people would have wanted to eat those guys themselves if given the chance... but putting that information to a wide audience made it more easy to abuse.
[She knows some target 'bad' people. She can't make a moral judgment on her victims but she knows some people find comfort in that.]
a 'i'll scratch your ear if you scratch mine' sort of thing. [That's back, Niina.]
i'd like to meet them. i'm not that good at talking but if they can help... i'd like that. even if they can't, then just knowing that there's people that want to help the community makese me feel better.
i get upset when i think about elias but... i need to get over that. it's not rational. [She brings this up because she doesn't suffer from slime brain. She does remember that Reira is a fourth priest...and this whole thing is making her realize just how binary her thinking has become.]
i'll go with you. i want to be stronger but i don't think my strength lies in violence.
[Not that she's not good at it.]
It was easy to fall into that trap even when she knew it was there. Niina rubbed her facial screen. She didn't want to fight her programming. It was exhausting and often she had to feed later but this was bothering her more than she could admit.]
that's why i joined her. we don't have to all act in the same way to serve her. i'll admit i kill to eat but that doesn't mean i want to make a show of eating. sure by existing we terrify some humans but... we can work with them, too. i dunno.
[Niina pauses, tapping her device.]
i've been talking with some teenagers from bavan. humans. they hear things. see things. i talk to them before picking someone to eat. they usually know more than i could gather by myself. if the person has a family, if they're armed, if they're a monster hunter or whatever. they're willing to help in exchange for protection or shelter--some of them live with me at this school mana gave me. it's not much but i think... we could work with them. more of us.
i know some people that have to kill to eat would feel better knowing things about their targets. not stalking but just... i dunno. rumor gathering that doesn't publicly announce groups. like those men that were killed--i'm sure a lot of people would have wanted to eat those guys themselves if given the chance... but putting that information to a wide audience made it more easy to abuse.
[She knows some target 'bad' people. She can't make a moral judgment on her victims but she knows some people find comfort in that.]
a 'i'll scratch your ear if you scratch mine' sort of thing. [That's back, Niina.]
i'd like to meet them. i'm not that good at talking but if they can help... i'd like that. even if they can't, then just knowing that there's people that want to help the community makese me feel better.
i get upset when i think about elias but... i need to get over that. it's not rational. [She brings this up because she doesn't suffer from slime brain. She does remember that Reira is a fourth priest...and this whole thing is making her realize just how binary her thinking has become.]
i'll go with you. i want to be stronger but i don't think my strength lies in violence.
[Not that she's not good at it.]
hmmm maybe not? but there's someone I don't ever want to think I'm not taking seriously or it would hurt her, so it's better to be careful sometimes, I think?
[She isn't sure, but. It's better to try, when it's something that doesn't hurt Maya in turn.
...Reira. That girl— Maya knows of her. She also knows that Reira was in great pain from the continued interference of Atem's post. She should check in on that girl.
All that said, this would be a great way for Ray to deceive Maya if she wanted to, though Maya has no suspicion of such a tactic in the slightest.]
That's really smart. Reira's a really smart girl! I'll keep that in mind. Fear does seem to be what Aunamee feeds on.
[She remembers vividly how shaken Makoto was. How good that must have felt to Aunamee.]
by the way, the others who can't come to Hill House anymore are your friends, right? It's not the same, but there's an arcade called Insert Coin where anyone can go regardless of gods. Reira should know where it is, we were there together a while back. Maybe you guys can meet there without anyone giving you trouble.
[ . . . She'd offer Nai'a, but she gets the feeling people as young as Reira and Ray have no interest even if it really isn't a titty bar anymore.]
[She isn't sure, but. It's better to try, when it's something that doesn't hurt Maya in turn.
...Reira. That girl— Maya knows of her. She also knows that Reira was in great pain from the continued interference of Atem's post. She should check in on that girl.
All that said, this would be a great way for Ray to deceive Maya if she wanted to, though Maya has no suspicion of such a tactic in the slightest.]
That's really smart. Reira's a really smart girl! I'll keep that in mind. Fear does seem to be what Aunamee feeds on.
[She remembers vividly how shaken Makoto was. How good that must have felt to Aunamee.]
by the way, the others who can't come to Hill House anymore are your friends, right? It's not the same, but there's an arcade called Insert Coin where anyone can go regardless of gods. Reira should know where it is, we were there together a while back. Maybe you guys can meet there without anyone giving you trouble.
[ . . . She'd offer Nai'a, but she gets the feeling people as young as Reira and Ray have no interest even if it really isn't a titty bar anymore.]
Edited 2022-03-26 07:10 (UTC)
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