sweartoyou | Ryslig

[It's a username she vaguely remembers. They've talked before. Not one she can think of a reason that it would be messaging her out of nowhere -- until her eyes slide along and latch onto a much more familiar name.

Atem.]

You're okay.

[Her relief would be more obvious in person, pushing through her usual dulled emotions.]

I'm sorry I left. I didn't want to leave you unless I could take you with me, but...
I couldn't stay. I started feeling hungry. Sorry. I didn't want to eat you, Atem.

You knew how to find me. I'm glad.

[See! Boring usernames are good sometimes!]

I'm okay.

[He's grateful for her boring username.]

When we met in the dollhouse, I wasn't my usual monster type! I changed it for summer, since it's inconvenient to be a vampire when there's only five or six hours of darkness.

[ryslig latitudes: rough around solstices. Plant types and nephs are really going to be in for it in a month or two.]

Every time I go from being alive to being a vampire, I have to die. It's a pretty lonely thing to go through alone, so I'm really glad you were there.

[He remembers her being a little weird about it, and he also knows she's Aunamee's...daughter? Whatever that means, practically? But none of that matters nearly as much as how kind she was to him.]

And that you didn't eat me. I wouldn't have blamed you, but...you really did want to take my body back, didn't you?

[The fact that she could've eaten him, no one was watching, no one would have stopped her from a free meal, but she didn't...that suggests sincerity? She meant it. She really wanted to help...that matters.]

Oh. That's smart. Hm... That's something to keep in mind, herself. She doesn't have a weakness to cold per se, but winter had always made her even slower than her usual sluggishness. She usually tried her best to sleep through the worst of it. Something with fur wouldn't be bad at all -- and it'd be cute. Exciting!!!]

I'll have to remember that. Turning into a vampire does make what happened make more sense... My doctor's one. He can turn into a bat. [Unasked ques -- ] Can you turn into a bat?

[Okay, never mind, of course she asked.]

Yes. I did. I promised.
I don't know how, it really is something impossible...but if I find a way, I still intend to get you back. If that's something you want.

[Ah. When he goes back to Egypt...from what Atem understands, he dies. Not automatically, but that's where he's supposed to go, to get to the afterlife properly.

He remembers how badly he wanted that, as his child-self. How does Atem, the vampire in Ryslig, feel about it? Does he feel the same? Does he feel different?

Ohhhh, it's complicated. The people he remembers are all dead, except maybe for Siamun, and...Set...but, even those two aren't the same, exactly. His father, his mother, Mahaad, Mana...he has their names, their faces, and he'd like to see them again. But Atem also wants to see his living friends -- Anzu, Jounouchi, Honda. There's a lot to think about.

But, a way back to Egypt is a way back to his own world. It's a way for Yugi and Ryou to get out of here. Finding that way is a good thing.]

Yes. Yes, if you find a way...then, I'd like to go back. I've been looking for a way out of Ryslig -- one that DOESN'T cause a lot of trouble for everyone around the middle of the month -- but I haven't found it yet. If you learn anything useful, I'd like to know it!

And I can turn into a bat. :)

Edited (i close my html and end my turn) 2021-10-02 17:58 (UTC)

That's a relief, but I hope you don't cause a lot of trouble for everyone towards the beginning or end of the month either. I probably shouldn't encourage you since Miss Fog wants everyone to find their home here, but I don't think working together to find a way out has to be a bad thing. If people don't feel forced to be here then maybe they'll see the good things about this place, and it could mean opening a safer way in, too. The way some people have gone about it is...bad.

[Understatement, and she isn't even the one that was horribly tortured and killed as part of an attempt.]

I'd like to see sometime.

I agree. There's people who this place is a second chance for people who don't have anything in the world they came from, or who don't want to lose what they have here.

[He...has never put it in those specific words before, but he knows as they types them that it's the case, for people who build lives and form connections they don't want to give up. Atem decides not to think about what leaving the friends he's made here is going to be like.]

No one should make them leave! But there's also people who don't do well. Who are hurt by what they have to do because the choices they have to make are too hard. That's why I want to get my friends out.

Just not the way some people have gone about it, yes. It doesn't work when you try to force it! I think that's why Marco's portal didn't do anything bad...everyone who went through volunteered, and it wasn't an attempt to force us all to change because he didn't like being here. Working together to find a way out, without making mistakes like some people have...that sounds good.

As for my bat form, of course I'll show you! I don't mind at all.

[It's pretty small, so Atem doesn't like to stay in it for long...but if Rachel didn't eat him while he was dead and she was getting hungry, he trusts her around him when he's a bat.]

Uncle Marco made a portal that worked?

[Girl calls Aunamee her father and now Marco's her uncle? This family tree is more like a busted cobweb. The real cobweb is in her mind, and she's struggling to remember if this is news to her or if it's been forgotten like so many other things.]

Why isn't it working now? I don't think he'd refuse to let people use it and you make it sound like everything happened like it should.

There's a couple of reasons. First, the people who went through couldn't really affect the world around them. They were basically ghosts! So, it needed more work before it could send people home right.

Unfortunately, the queen of the insect hivemind that infested some of us in May was drawn to the power source and ate it. So, as I understand it, further tests are impossible!

...I see. It must not have affected me or mine. The memories I still have of May are pretty normal.

[A friend's birthday party, a little dead bird she'd gently made beautiful again, and...Riley. Hearing about her. Meeting her. She'd hoped back then that the other girl would be irrelevant by now.]

I don't think being a ghost would bother me, but since I don't have a home there anymore I guess my opinion doesn't really matter.

Strangely enough, I sort of was one!

I died a long time ago. So long ago, I forgot everything about who I was. Even my name! I didn't wake up until a boy solved the puzzle my spirit was sealed in -- in 1997, if that means anything to you. We shared a body -- I'd come out to help him when he was in trouble, but the rest of the time, he just lived his life...

I used to think it was okay, but actually, it was a bit lonely. I had his memories of the time he spent with his friends, but after getting to spend time with my friends here, it isn't the same!

I'm sorry you don't have a home there, though. If it helps, you're far from the only one in that situation!

[...Her boy is so incredible!!! That's an awful lot to try and understand out of nowhere, but that's usually how the best things are. Just look at that murder building serial killer showdown where a man wrapped in bandages that promised to kill her became the most important person she ever could have found, also her best friend, if she had to find a normal label for it. She thinks sharing a body with him would drive them both crazy...crazier than normal, rather. And Zack didn't deal with that sort of frustration well.

It's a happy thought.]

Still... Soulmates are amazing aren't they, Atem? I wonder why your spirit isn't at rest...

[That it isn't and that he forgot his name makes it all the more important that she remember it. He asked her to say it when he was gone.]

...This is going to sound weird, but I'm glad you were given the chance to be lonely here. It can be hard to find people to care about. At least, that's how it is for me. When I did find them, it made me realize that I missed things before by being alone even though I wasn't unhappy then.

You don't need to feel sorry for me. I'm happy with how things happened. It's just too bad I won't be able to help you on that side. Maybe by 2017 you'll be back home already so it won't matter as much.

[There's so much he wants to say. He really likes this weird, cute, morbid little slime girl, who's got good thoughts about Ryslig, and people being forced into things and why that's not helping anyone be happy here.]

It doesn't sound weird at all! I know exactly what you mean.

2017? Someone from my future told me I was definitely back home by then...but, I don't want my spirit to be at rest too soon! I want to move on, but only after I've got so many good memories that leaving the world doesn't feel sad.

[That's why it's important to leave...even if leaving means he'll leave the friends he's made, many of the people he wants to make those memories with.]

But, the soulmate I talked about -- Yugi -- he's here. He hasn't had to eat yet, but I'm worried about him. He's a kind person. He'd always rather get hurt himself than see something bad happen to someone else...which means, now that he's hungry, it's going to be difficult. I've been looking really hard for a way out, and haven't been spending as much time with the people I care about...it's hard to take it easy when something like that's hanging over you.

[Some people take caring enough and be a real asshole all over the place, and some people decide that's not their business, live and let live. If it doesn't affect her, it doesn't affect her! Simple as that.]

I cant imagine living my life that way... It's good that he has you to look out for him in a place like this. It doesn't sound like it suits him.

But still... Is that okay with you? The one I'd call my soulmate... There are things that were very important to both of us. We worked towards those things together and were only done when we were able to accomplish both our goals instead of choosing one over the other. He might be unhappy now and it's important to help... But if you worry too much about his problems, you won't be able to make those happy memories you need to be satisfied. Your memories of him could become tainted.

I know.

[I miss you, he hears again, from Horatio. Atem misses his friends, too. It's just...what is he, if not the person who looks out for his people? A person who can be counted on, no matter what?

Back home, in a future Atem doesn't remember, he and his partner worked towards things together. They got Yugi's grandpa back, and they got Atem's memories back. But, here...they can't both have what they want, right? Or, Atem will have to give up what he wants, for what Yugi needs.]

Ideally, we'd have left by now...I'd miss the friends I've made here, but it would be worth it, to help him. But I'm not naive enough to think we'll find a way out in the next few weeks, when no one else has done it in years...especially with him distracted by fighting his hunger.

I'm probably going to have to feed him someone, just to buy us more time. But he's already had trouble accepting the fact that I hunt at all...apparently, for him, the dangerous way I used to protect us is far in the past.

[Why's it so easy to talk to this girl about it? Is it because she's already seen him die, and he remembers what it was like baring his soul, his fears, and not being judged or shut out? Or is it because he doesn't know what her troubles are, so he doesn't need to shift the conversation back toward caring for her? It's an intersection of both: maybe it's dangerous to tell her this, since she's close to Aunamee, but he can't shake the fact that he'd placed his trust in her already, and she hadn't betrayed it.

If it turns out badly, it turns out badly.]

Edited 2021-10-06 00:59 (UTC)

That's too bad. He's not making it easy at all, not that I guess most people could...

[It wasn't like there was some other choice, and Atem was working so hard to support him on top of looking for a way out and taking care of himself. It really is too bad.]

What sort of monster is he? Zack was a simulacrum, so when he was here we were able to share food. But then...he never had a problem with killing. I guess I wouldn't have noticed if he killed extra to keep us both fed.

nephilim.

so, we could share, but he has to be the one who forces the soul out.

It's not easy at all!

[And that's the sticking-point, isn't it? If Atem could be the one to kill the person, that'd be easy. If he could just, like, make Yugi some people-burgers, if Yugi could tell himself they were dead already anyway, so it's not like I'm making things worse, then it wouldn't be as hard to do this.]

If I help him eat, then I'm telling him to become a killer, something he doesn't want to be. But, if I leave him alone so that he does it himself, then he doesn't have any support when he DOES kill, and, if I know him, he'll put it off until he can't control himself anymore. It'll be worse, that way.

I care about him. He's my partner...the other me, even if we're living as two people now instead of one. But there's no way to help him without hurting his heart!

...I see. I'm sorry. With him as your other half, there really is no getting out of this without sacrificing part of your soul, in one way or another.

The closest thing to advice I have is that there are people out there who feel they don't deserve to live or have some other reason for wanting to die. For someone that's suffering with that in their heart, it could be a gift. But I'm not "normal", so I don't know how helpful thinking that way really is for most people.

[It's a possibility, that Yugi would have an easier time killing someone for whom that was what they wanted. Atem will think about it -- he'll see if it's possible to find someone with reasons to want to die.

Barring that, he'll find someone cruel, someone full of vice, who indulges that vice at the expense of those around him, and his removal makes the lives of those around him better. There's enough of those out there.]

Thank you. "Normal" or not, that's a possibility I hadn't considered...I can't predict how he'll react to something like that, but it might be less painful, if whoever it is that he has to kill wants him to do it. I know Djavulenstad works on a cooperative system: monsters provide protection for people who don't want to die, and the people who live there give themselves up, once it's clear their lives are at an end.

I don't mind hunting other ways, but if that system works, then it's good for everyone, isn't it?

Edited 2021-10-07 03:18 (UTC)

I think so. It's a good thing... It means people and monsters are communicating and trying to understand one another's hearts, even if the reason behind it might be selfish.

And...it's important. You still think so too, don't you, Atem? To have someone there for you when you die is a wonderful feeling.

Yes, I do. I've died a couple of different ways now. Some of them were violent, but others were just my body failing, like you saw. The times when someone was there to help, and stayed with me...those were the times I was able to die peacefully. They were still painful, but they don't hurt the same way.

[She doesn't think she'd describe either of her deaths as peaceful, even if she was at peace both times... Too many feelings to be peaceful. Overwhelmingly good feelings, that first time. No matter how she dies now -- something she wants to avoid, much to her own surprise -- nothing will ever top that.

Speaking of death number two, though:]

Oh! Atem! I just remembered something!

When I moved up in Miss Fog's ranks, she made it possible to eat in a different way. Miss Mana is able to do something like that too, even without changing the kind of monster you are.

I don't know how much that costs though...or if your soulmate is someone that doesn't like Miss Fog.

[What. What. Holy shit. Holy shit, is this true?! It might cost a lot of coins, but it could change things -- maybe not everything, but matters might not be quite so horrible. It's a big change.]

What?? Do you mean it?? And the Fog ISN'T the only way to do it? You can get it from Mana?!

[!!!!!]

I think so! I think Reira did it, maybe...? Ah, that's Miss Historian.

[...How sad is it that him calling her that is Ray's primary reason for recognizing his username...]

Miss Mana is really amazing. You have to be specific with her sometimes, but I don't think that's something I'd have to worry about with you.

[her boy is Smart and can work Defense.]

[Ha ha ha he learned that firsthand with the snake thing. And, even though Atem came around to the naga temp, even though it gave him what he was looking for...he's learned from it.]

I'll ask Reira about it. She's got a good memory! If she did it, she might recall how much it costs.

Knowing this is going to help protect the happiness of two people who are really important to me. Yugi probably doesn't have enough yet, since something big like that won't come cheap, but...there's a shade who's very important to me, who has a lot of trouble with souls, too. I don't think he knows about this...but, once he's back, I'll be sure to tell him.

I really owe you one, Miss Gardner!

[temping to a super wrong monster once is all it takes... Mana's pretty lucky that Ray can look back on that memory as being something good that happened, but boy was her obsessive pseudo-religious ass devastated to be a demon.]

I'm glad I could be useful to you.

[The people important to him are kind of background noise -- but helping them helps him, so Ray doesn't mind doing it. Not that she really did much of anything, this time. She's still pleased.]

Rachel is fine. Or... The soulmate I have, he calls me Ray.

[Huh. She's never actually introduced herself that way before here, has she?]

Ryslig | IC Inbox.

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