Rachel Gardner (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweartoyou) wrote2018-03-27 08:19 am
sweartoyou) wrote2018-03-27 08:19 am
Ryslig | Application (updated).
cw: suicidal ideation, child abuse/neglect, domestic abuse, animal cruelty/death (unintentional but still screwed up), corpse mutilation, violence, homicide, religious...something.
OOC INFORMATION
Name: Goblin
Contact:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
goblinhood
Are You Over 18?: yes
Other Characters: n/a
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name: Rachel “Ray” Gardner
Age: 13 originally -> 16 now.
Canon: Angels of Death
Canon Point: End of game.
Character Information:
Bang.
Previous app.
note: Ryslig + 2019 fourth wall memories intact!
Personality:
Ray is a character that doesn't entirely seem to fit her genre -- a horror rpgmaker game, later developed into other forms of media. Unlike most protagonists, the young girl is quickly presented as a boring “doll” of a girl that despite her rigid thinking, isn't quick to judge others for things as serious as serial killings or other horrible acts, as long as they don't oppose her desires. Nor does she find enthusiasm in accepting these things unless it should happen to play nicely into her current obsession. If something can't be looked at as useful in accomplishing what she wants or appeals to her, then Rachel is likely to dismiss it completely. She’s someone who, once she regains repressed memories of what she was doing in this strange facility she found herself in, only wishes to be killed. Ray is adamant about this and makes the request over and over, longing for a loophole in the scenario she finds herself in: she's a defiled sinner unworthy of being forgiven by the God of the Bible. Surely someone unfortunate enough killed by a murderer would be accepted by God, so while committing suicide is a sin, forming a pact with serial killer Isaac Foster to be killed by him once she helps him escape the tiered murderhouse they're in is perfectly fine! In order to fit into the ideal victim deserving of Heaven she'd dreamed up, Ray withdraws into herself to keep her past and impulses hidden from Zack for as long as possible. Just an innocent dragged into this situation rather than someone who was brought in as another killer in the stack that suffered a religion-induced breakdown and was then deemed useless.
Ray strives for perfection, even though her version of that may not always line up with what's acceptable to society or a higher being. Much of her life she's been surrounded by things that have been broken and less than satisfactory. Her parents neglected her when not verbally abusing her, and were verbally and physically abusive with each other. Things in their house were frequently taken away from her in one way or another, so while there was always a certain risk of impermanence, Rachel worked to be able to keep things through mending, and tiptoed around to get the outcome that meant her things weren't the cause of an explosive argument. For example, while she desperately wanted to help a cute, weak puppy she found out on a walk one day, she knew that both she and the puppy would get in trouble if she was unable to get permission. After her singleminded attempts to ask about it were ignored in favor of continuing a heated fight, she bitterly resigned to not being listened to once again and returned to the alley. On this visit, the dog bit her, and Ray had to later salvage the remains through stitching it back together, as she’d killed it during a blackout. She took the time to make improvements as well, making it truly hers by stitching its mouth shut to further ensure it wasn't capable of biting or howling. Truly the perfect puppy. She continued this patchwork method of perfection by playing the perfect family with her parents’ corpses, later a bunny she'd found at the orphanage and a bird on one of the killer’s floors, various toys she'd been gifted, and eventually even tries to continue it with Zack when their relationship develops to a point where she can't cope with the idea of losing him. She takes these things that don't act in the way she desires, breaks them down, and molds them into something that fits the pure, happy fantasy in her head. When it doesn't work, or when that hope is shattered by an alternative she wants to avoid, her desperation only grows. It's one of the standout ways that Rachel is still a child -- along with the traps on her floor being designed off ridiculous concepts one might see in movies -- despite what she's been through and her wealth of knowledge.
When Zack swears “to God” that he’ll be the one to kill her, she devotes herself to making herself the perfect victim for him, though she finds it difficult at times. Through their trials, even her stunted emotions cultivated from the years of abuse and her predisposed, unsavory interests begin to grow genuine when it comes to Zack, and she pushes herself to do everything she can to be of use to him and pull off a convincing smile to make her murder more appealing to him. She’s the type that will throw all her faith into something, whether it's rational to come to the conclusions she does or not. If something needs to be done, it will be done because it needs to be. She’s determined to do what she can to fulfill their promise, even when it means committing horrible acts without guilt because something’s in her way. While she may not intend to be manipulative or hurt others in trying to attain her goals, and will deny accusations of such, she still knows things she does are wrong -- the Bible was pretty clear about it. She just can't feel any remorse over it or put work in to correct her sins beyond the bare minimum to keep herself out of a fiery hell, because she can't comprehend why her thoughts and actions are so wrong in the first place. Moreover, it's only God that would be fit to condemn her.
When Gray, the man behind the underground murdertower, claims that he's God instead, Ray decides that she doesn't want her life in his hands, and that her only desire is to be killed by Zack. Zack’s the one she's been fighting so hard to help, that's been protecting her and encouraging her to voice her thoughts and opinions, and that is with her even when he can't physically be there next to her, as at the last second it's the knife he let her borrow when they parted ways that snaps her out of despair just in time to rescue her from a dangerous situation. He’s her God, which is great until she remembers that Zack hates liars, and he's about to learn the truth of who she is before he can kill her, and if he knows how messed up she is then the only thing to do is to kill him so she can make him her perfect God. Totally sound logic, not at all an example of her flawed way of solving problems as directly as possible to the detriment of herself and others.
Luckily he manages her to convince her that that's crazy and stupid, that he might have killed her view of God but he was still there, and he was the one the promise was made with in the first place. Feeling acceptance for the first time in her life, Ray settles into a self that's more confident and aware, and while she’s far from altruistic it can’t be said that she is “a soul that only knows how to take” anymore. She’s still not great at smiling, but she no longer looks completely dead inside, nor is she in a manic murder state. She communicates and encourages where earlier she would have kept to more monosyllabic responses that were directions more than plans, and her jokes are less subtle even if they're still teasing. Existence cherished by another, she finds peace and happiness with the man that listened to her and fought for what she wanted alongside her rather than the one that bent over backwards, trying to give her the world in order to keep his idyllic vision of her at his side -- even when it seems that things have gotten too far out of their control that they'll have to leave their promise unfulfilled. It was that real acceptance and love she craved more than anything, and what ultimately gets her to stop smothering her own self and those around her.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Due to her time in Ryslig and reaching the end of canon, Ray has evolved from someone who is wishy-washy with her loyalty based on who can best give her what she needs to someone that hopes to achieve her goals herself, and who will take others' desires into account, whether they align with hers or not. She values autonomy. While she was previously highly dependent to the degree of worship, now Ray's loyalty, while still intense, is built more on mutual respect.
5-10 Key Character Traits:
Muted expressions.
Self-serving.
Obsessive.
Focused.
Clever.
Knowledgeable.
Acceptance-starved.
Idealistic.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Careful.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Independent.
(previously listed traits for posterity, largely unchanged, but "suicidal" removed.)
Unemotive.
Self-serving.
Obsessive.
Well-read.
Focused.
Conscientious.
Problem solver.
Accepting.
Acceptance-starved.
Perceptive.
Would you prefer a monster that FITS your character’s personality, CONFLICTS with it, EITHER, or opt for 100% RANDOMIZATION? n/a, see below.
Opt-Outs:
Re-app, previously assigned Slime.
Roleplay Sample:
January/February 2021 TDM
OOC INFORMATION
Name: Goblin
Contact:
Are You Over 18?: yes
Other Characters: n/a
CHARACTER INFORMATION
Character Name: Rachel “Ray” Gardner
Age: 13 originally -> 16 now.
Canon: Angels of Death
Canon Point: End of game.
Character Information:
Bang.
Previous app.
note: Ryslig + 2019 fourth wall memories intact!
Personality:
Ray is a character that doesn't entirely seem to fit her genre -- a horror rpgmaker game, later developed into other forms of media. Unlike most protagonists, the young girl is quickly presented as a boring “doll” of a girl that despite her rigid thinking, isn't quick to judge others for things as serious as serial killings or other horrible acts, as long as they don't oppose her desires. Nor does she find enthusiasm in accepting these things unless it should happen to play nicely into her current obsession. If something can't be looked at as useful in accomplishing what she wants or appeals to her, then Rachel is likely to dismiss it completely. She’s someone who, once she regains repressed memories of what she was doing in this strange facility she found herself in, only wishes to be killed. Ray is adamant about this and makes the request over and over, longing for a loophole in the scenario she finds herself in: she's a defiled sinner unworthy of being forgiven by the God of the Bible. Surely someone unfortunate enough killed by a murderer would be accepted by God, so while committing suicide is a sin, forming a pact with serial killer Isaac Foster to be killed by him once she helps him escape the tiered murderhouse they're in is perfectly fine! In order to fit into the ideal victim deserving of Heaven she'd dreamed up, Ray withdraws into herself to keep her past and impulses hidden from Zack for as long as possible. Just an innocent dragged into this situation rather than someone who was brought in as another killer in the stack that suffered a religion-induced breakdown and was then deemed useless.
Ray strives for perfection, even though her version of that may not always line up with what's acceptable to society or a higher being. Much of her life she's been surrounded by things that have been broken and less than satisfactory. Her parents neglected her when not verbally abusing her, and were verbally and physically abusive with each other. Things in their house were frequently taken away from her in one way or another, so while there was always a certain risk of impermanence, Rachel worked to be able to keep things through mending, and tiptoed around to get the outcome that meant her things weren't the cause of an explosive argument. For example, while she desperately wanted to help a cute, weak puppy she found out on a walk one day, she knew that both she and the puppy would get in trouble if she was unable to get permission. After her singleminded attempts to ask about it were ignored in favor of continuing a heated fight, she bitterly resigned to not being listened to once again and returned to the alley. On this visit, the dog bit her, and Ray had to later salvage the remains through stitching it back together, as she’d killed it during a blackout. She took the time to make improvements as well, making it truly hers by stitching its mouth shut to further ensure it wasn't capable of biting or howling. Truly the perfect puppy. She continued this patchwork method of perfection by playing the perfect family with her parents’ corpses, later a bunny she'd found at the orphanage and a bird on one of the killer’s floors, various toys she'd been gifted, and eventually even tries to continue it with Zack when their relationship develops to a point where she can't cope with the idea of losing him. She takes these things that don't act in the way she desires, breaks them down, and molds them into something that fits the pure, happy fantasy in her head. When it doesn't work, or when that hope is shattered by an alternative she wants to avoid, her desperation only grows. It's one of the standout ways that Rachel is still a child -- along with the traps on her floor being designed off ridiculous concepts one might see in movies -- despite what she's been through and her wealth of knowledge.
When Zack swears “to God” that he’ll be the one to kill her, she devotes herself to making herself the perfect victim for him, though she finds it difficult at times. Through their trials, even her stunted emotions cultivated from the years of abuse and her predisposed, unsavory interests begin to grow genuine when it comes to Zack, and she pushes herself to do everything she can to be of use to him and pull off a convincing smile to make her murder more appealing to him. She’s the type that will throw all her faith into something, whether it's rational to come to the conclusions she does or not. If something needs to be done, it will be done because it needs to be. She’s determined to do what she can to fulfill their promise, even when it means committing horrible acts without guilt because something’s in her way. While she may not intend to be manipulative or hurt others in trying to attain her goals, and will deny accusations of such, she still knows things she does are wrong -- the Bible was pretty clear about it. She just can't feel any remorse over it or put work in to correct her sins beyond the bare minimum to keep herself out of a fiery hell, because she can't comprehend why her thoughts and actions are so wrong in the first place. Moreover, it's only God that would be fit to condemn her.
When Gray, the man behind the underground murdertower, claims that he's God instead, Ray decides that she doesn't want her life in his hands, and that her only desire is to be killed by Zack. Zack’s the one she's been fighting so hard to help, that's been protecting her and encouraging her to voice her thoughts and opinions, and that is with her even when he can't physically be there next to her, as at the last second it's the knife he let her borrow when they parted ways that snaps her out of despair just in time to rescue her from a dangerous situation. He’s her God, which is great until she remembers that Zack hates liars, and he's about to learn the truth of who she is before he can kill her, and if he knows how messed up she is then the only thing to do is to kill him so she can make him her perfect God. Totally sound logic, not at all an example of her flawed way of solving problems as directly as possible to the detriment of herself and others.
Luckily he manages her to convince her that that's crazy and stupid, that he might have killed her view of God but he was still there, and he was the one the promise was made with in the first place. Feeling acceptance for the first time in her life, Ray settles into a self that's more confident and aware, and while she’s far from altruistic it can’t be said that she is “a soul that only knows how to take” anymore. She’s still not great at smiling, but she no longer looks completely dead inside, nor is she in a manic murder state. She communicates and encourages where earlier she would have kept to more monosyllabic responses that were directions more than plans, and her jokes are less subtle even if they're still teasing. Existence cherished by another, she finds peace and happiness with the man that listened to her and fought for what she wanted alongside her rather than the one that bent over backwards, trying to give her the world in order to keep his idyllic vision of her at his side -- even when it seems that things have gotten too far out of their control that they'll have to leave their promise unfulfilled. It was that real acceptance and love she craved more than anything, and what ultimately gets her to stop smothering her own self and those around her.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Due to her time in Ryslig and reaching the end of canon, Ray has evolved from someone who is wishy-washy with her loyalty based on who can best give her what she needs to someone that hopes to achieve her goals herself, and who will take others' desires into account, whether they align with hers or not. She values autonomy. While she was previously highly dependent to the degree of worship, now Ray's loyalty, while still intense, is built more on mutual respect.
5-10 Key Character Traits:
Muted expressions.
Self-serving.
Obsessive.
Focused.
Clever.
Knowledgeable.
Acceptance-starved.
Idealistic.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Careful.
**EDITED DEC 2022: Independent.
(previously listed traits for posterity, largely unchanged, but "suicidal" removed.)
Unemotive.
Self-serving.
Obsessive.
Well-read.
Focused.
Conscientious.
Problem solver.
Accepting.
Acceptance-starved.
Perceptive.
Would you prefer a monster that FITS your character’s personality, CONFLICTS with it, EITHER, or opt for 100% RANDOMIZATION? n/a, see below.
Opt-Outs:
Re-app, previously assigned Slime.
Roleplay Sample:
January/February 2021 TDM